508, what difference does it make? You were alone, anyway.
I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You rolled out of the car, got on all fours and puked then just nonchalantly stood up and waved goodbye and thanks for the ride.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
He pulled the pencil out of my leg and then we fucked. It felt sorta like pulp fiction in reverse.
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
it is shots o' clock and I am never late
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I hope you get your threesome on vday. I'll probably get flowers and a candlelit dinner. trade you. I wish this guy was more of a slut and had less of a heart. I would like 2 dicks please fuck your flowers!
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
So this is what bad decisions tastes like...
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize