Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
The dentist just giggled when he accidentally shot water across my face, I can sense how he treats women.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
Just think, if your stepsister would've gotten knocked up 2 years earlier, she could've had a TV show. What a bitch.
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I love spring semester, so many high school girls visiting that think I'm the sexiest man alive just because I'm in college
Aren't you gay?
IT'S NICE TO FEEL WANTED DON'T RUIN THIS FOR ME
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
He held my hair back for me while i vomited in my driveway last night and i repayed him by farting mid-heave.
How ya feelin sunshine?
Like a million dollars! ... That has been hit by a bus, drowned under water and beat repeatedly by a shovel.
Randomize