the party we crashed was not a party. the party we crashed was jens grandads funeral.
I'm taking child development now so if you get pregnant i can raise your child no worries
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
You were so hammed, you asked your buddy in Economics to plot a demand curve for Parmesan Cheese.
I'm using process of elimination to determine which of our neighbors i fucked last night.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It would have been the trifecta of dick for her.
Nothing says "I support my fellow man" like taking your friends recently divorced dad to a strip club and bar hopping with us to get him laid by an upgrade.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you ever tell anyone I offered you boob squeezes for cheetos, I'll kill you
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Randomize