I just got invited to go home with a married couple...
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
if sarah has 12 dollars and spends 6 of it on cheap booze how much will she spend on hangover food the next morning?
4 on the dollar menu at mcdonalds
mom cant say that college never taught us math
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
Twice. I only peed my pants twice tonight.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Lo siento on account of my penis...
Do you want to get naked and order pizza with me
You went home with a guy at 11... than returned to the bar at 1
Well guess who isn't a virgin anymore
guess who isnt wearing pants has a shaving cream beard and is afraid theres no cream cheese in the fridge
the answer to that last one was me. the answer to the first one is you, you sly dog
Just stole my moms weed, left a note saying sorry.. Hope she isn't mad.
the twins are trying to figure out which one is the one doing body shots off a janitor in this picture
Randomize
