I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
we're out of white wine, toilet paper and windex... too hard to explain via text
nothing i could have done in life could have prepared me for walking in on her SHITTING on my rug.
Needless to say there is no second date for this girl.
yet...
after watching ten minutes of "the decision," I conclude that King Lebron has more influence on America than Barak Obama. I love our countries values.
I just past a guy who was biking and double fisting wit glass beer bottles. That is what i call talent
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Randomize
