Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
dude we gotta go shopping. I made pancakes this afternoon and used them as sandwich bread.
i think that dennys waitress has my boxers
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
Please come and rip my uterus out before it does it itself
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Does it count as working out if stops are taken every half hour to smoke a blunt?
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
I made out with the uber driver for free weed, I thought he deserved it
It’s like I’m living in some alternate wet dream universe right now
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
