there's a taquito in the driveway. If it's not yours I'm going to eat it.
when your hometown is famous for abortion clinic bombings, hurricanes, and jude law's newest bastard, its probably time to move.
Is it gay to rub my penis between my butt cheeks and pretend that they're tits?
Wow! You need to get laid.
I think i just fucked the same guy a second time without realizing it....does that make me a good whore or a bad whore???
Running into your random closeted hookup from last night is really awkward when you have to sit next to him and his girlfriend in a 200 person class.
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I wish more of my problems were easily solvable by taking a good long shit.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Oh my god if I have to go on fetlife to find a guy who will fuck me right around here, I'm going to scream.
Like, yea, let's talk sexy but also...LOOK! I SAW A CAT!
I don't know when he had the time to do it but he dug a hole in our basement like the shawshank redemption
Lol, perhaps. But the drinks are so cheap, the music is better, and the bartenders and bouncers all know my name. I can't abandon it, even if it is a gay bar, its still my Nirvana.
they just got in argument over who had more of your dick pics. quit sending shit to my sisters fucker
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