so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
Come on, it shouldn't be that hard NOT to suck someone's dick
Then she called me a home wrecking whore.
dont they live in a condo? that doesnt count.
my advisor is telling us the best way to sneak in alcohol on move in day. I definately picked the right college
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
He needs to respect me before he can fuck me with cat ears on.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
You don't understand. There's baclava and there's post sex baclava. You can't compare the two.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
11/10 would buy him a McLobster
So hungover and decided to eat a burrito and a pot brownie for dinner, this is what adulthood looks like.
Not my fault the fence refused to just break when I ran into it.
He's gonna fuck me, then his girlfriend is going to come over and fuck me in front of him. And they're smoking me out. Happy birthday to ME
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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