Saw a guy smoking a cig holding it with a fork and driving WTF?
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Just watched a porn with the dvd commentary on i think i need to re-evaluate my life
I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
Walk-of-shaming home from Brooklyn in a Jesus costume that has "what wouldn't Jesus do" written on the robe.
It was a cry at the bar alone type of night, served with a side of passing out facedown in my nachos.
We started telling people we were married, and then we hooked up on a park bench
I puked in the urinal of a bar tonight. Not embarrassed cause I got away with it, legitimately upset you weren't there to make fun of me.
There is not greater feeling than lying to your boss and leaving work to shit in the comfort of your own home
Just copped mushrooms from a dude in a business suit. U comin or what?
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
So much Jack, so little girl.
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
I'm drunkenly throwing popcorn at a spider, fuck him. Why does his scary 8 legs get to be happy?
Randomize
