Fine. I'll sleep in my office
...there is blood under my fingernails.
...I hope my roomates are okay.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I wish I has some fucking Fairy God Parents, I want a kit kat so bad.
It was like a secret agent hookup. No names, swift execution, get in- get out.
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
Girls night always turns into let's seperate and get laid night.
I don't not like him. It's just wierd talking to him because we both know I fucked his wife.
It's been a wonderful constant drunkeness. We played Marco polo with some random like 8 yr olds in the kiddie pool.
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
On the plus side, I got cel phone video of a major fox news host doing coke.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
If it makes u feel any better my dick feels pretty tender dude
What happened last night? I just woke up and there's like 15 mcflurry cups on the floor
You don't remember stealing them?
Totally unrelated, but by the way I DO have one ball bigger than the other.
Randomize
