At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
She was so adorably desperate I didn't have the heart to tell her I wasn't a lesbian. So now She's making waffles, may switch teams over this.
I will not ride trays down a flight of stairs topless and drunk....
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
just found a someones bra in what seems to be a mix of pickle juice and vodka in my fridge. Who was over here lately?
Well when you get back to your computer, there's a nice explanation of pansexuality on your Skype.
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
The cop looked me right in the eye and apologized for cock blocking me.
i dont think sending her flowers will make her forgive you running over her foot.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Oh I had the weirdest dream in which I was an archeologist stealing a golden dildo from a snobby British person
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