Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
SOS YOU NEED TO TAKE THE CANDY PANTIES OUT OF THE GLOVE COMPARTMENT BEFORE MOM TAKES MY CAR
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
I just bumped into this random I hooked up with a few years ago at Steve's party. Talk about a fingerblast from the past!
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
I told him. He hasn't said anything. Crying and holding cats is probably what is happening.
Randomize
