if you find a joe biden blowup doll in the attic, I call dibs
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
He told me I just kept sending him the word sex and dollar signs.
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
His name sounds so important....sounds like the name of my future baby daddy to me.
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
I couldn't find a lighter, so I smoked a bowl with a birthday candle.
Let me be the vehicle for you to live out your slutty half-gay dreams.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
Well waking up naked, covered in Chex mix is not how I planned to start my Wednesday if that's what you're getting at.
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
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