I think your mom looks like a breed of donkey and elephant, but her boobs are perfect
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
the worst part of it wasnt him peeing on the xbox. it was when he showed me his penis and made a kissy face at me. THAT was painful.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
I'm hiding in a cabinet. I'm going to stay here.
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
It wasn't so much a one night stand as much as one night she puked on my nightstand.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I just wanna inform you guys that the first pregnancy scare of 2016 is over...
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
