ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
Turns out drinking large amounts of Gentleman Jack does NOT turn you into a Gentleman -- quite the opposite actually.
Dude sorry i couldnt seem to spell any words right in the texts i sent you last night
I felt like a fucking code breaker.
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Woke up in a closet. I'm not drinking till summer.
The savings from $3 shots still doesn't add up to plan-b
I wish his dick was as long as his hair.
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
WE'RE FINALLY ADMITTING THAT WE DESPERATELY WANT TO SCREW EACH OTHER. THIS IS WHAT PROGRESS FEELS
I didn't ask for a picture of your soft dick.
What is she getting? Last time we talked her behavior was conducive to getting a tramp stamp on her face.
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Its like I've been given a sexual blank check.
After this weekend my vagina will follow his penis anywhere. It’s like the pied piper, but with penis
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