I wanna bring you to show and tell
He just refered to Steak and Shake as "a good place for couples". I will definitely not be shacking tonight.
There is tupperware vodka. thats right tupperwares full of vodka. best leftovers ever
I'd be surprised if he had a problem with boundaries after helicoptering his penis in front of you
Did you not learn anything for "HERPES SCARE 2010".........
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Pennsylvania now holds the distinct honor of being the third state I've crapped my pants in.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Im sorry for telling you id rather jump into traffic than date you again. I didnt mean to be so rude
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
