Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It's amazing how much better one feels once you put something in your vagina.
He added me on Facebook. I'm pretty sure he got my name from the inside of the bra I had lost in the frat house.
He ripped off his shirt and tried to give me CPR. That damn bong.
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
He's like a father figure to me, except we have casual drunk sex every now and then
Margaritas just taste better when they're bigger than your head
Please tell me I didn't send you a dick pic in the middle of Peter Pan..
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Taking a shot every time the Russian in COD says vodka... BEST drinking game ever.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Is she talking about a testicle cuff or just a cock ring? How did you meet this girl?
Is there a big difference?
It’s about the same as the difference between a night of drunken sex with a stripper at the Bellagio and being robbed and left for dead by a crystal meth tweaker
Randomize
