I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
this boner is exhausting
you went up to him and asked if you could have "friend sex." He looked like a 7 year old on christmas morning
I'm going to appeal my grade. Is it better to look studious or slutty?
I like the one of me you and her but you're looking at me...Total foreshadowing right there. I'm cropping it
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
He showed up drunk to my cousions HS grad party, we stayed at the bars till 2, then he got up at 5 to run a half marathon and by the time I woke up wlhe was already back and drinking.
I was in the freezer we were knocking over shit. Speaking of which i asked my boss. I can hook up with girls in the freezer
Yeah just sayin. Whenever you want to come over and wank me off you can
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
I'd like to be surprised that there's a picture of someone pouring champagne in my boobs on Instagram, but I can't.
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
Randomize