you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
the more i look through evidence of last night, the less i seem to remember.
And to think..we used to do everything sober...
He said he wants to make an itinerary for the sex we'll have when I come home.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
i told him i was allergic to semen. he pulled out an epipen.
i seriously haven't spoken to him since i drunk dialed him and told him i loved his beard
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
all his sexual metaphors involve condiments, should I worry?
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
He made a group chat with him, his wife, & I. Is this really life!??
Randomize
