the night i cant remember will be the night i always remember thanks to my "i
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
My homemade mace ate through its aluminum container. I make awesome mace.
I am just glad I was home to catch most of it, cause it smells BAD.
I'm not a scientist but that could be because it's homemade mace. That is however just a hypothesis
The picture on Facebook I was just tagged in, with the mask, that is the definition of Carmen, my drunk alter ego
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
