Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
A guy on the street just growled at me and said damnnnn. Sometimes it scares me how attractive i am.
i've been thru my totinos phase. then after reading the ingredients and nutritional info i almost puked in my mouth. its like having the bastard child of pizza hut and mcdonalds invade your kitchen and start stabbing your digestive system.
She gave me a rubber ducky to make me feel better while I was throwing up.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
you got us kicked out of the restaurant for trying to pee in the trash can.
My inner buddhist recalls, "You receive the d when you aren't looking for it, only when the d wants you." True story.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
Saxophones in my mind. I swear someone dosed me.
Jesus, I just want to drink. Also simultaneously punch things and rub my vagina on them.
Sad fact: I'm doing that thing where I'm bored so I give myself Princess Leia hair and drink alcohol.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Randomize
