def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Shotgunning beers to finish a midterm project at 3am is a good idea right?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
I know I come to this conclusion on a fairly regular basis but I really do need a babysitter
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
He went to 7/11 first and came back with condoms and a banana "in case we get hungry"
I have never lost more friends than while playing Uno drunk.
She forgot a bra so she just used seran wrap. The scary thing is, it worked.
sorry for the late response. was in jail for 6 months.
I love how when he said ecstasy pills both of our heads whipped around like a couple of horned owls.
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
