The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
Whoa, Gary Coleman died
Whatchu talkin bout?!?!
Too soon.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
If I come back tomorrow to find a certain football player tied up and locked in your closet, shit's gonna get real.
I'll set him free tomorrow morning ;)
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
Dude so last night I was eating out my gf and her kitten climbed onto my back and fell asleep. AND SHE DIDN'T NOTICE FOR LIKE 10 MINUTES
I think if I send him enough nudes, he will buy my plane ticket.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Randomize
