a/c is broke at work...just took my panties off at my desk and the janitor saw it...might have a date for later. let you know
i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Maybe if you date her you can take a dump on her
I had to fart so bad so i let it go hoping it would be quiet, it was loud and shit came out!!! and i couldnt leave because her parents were behind me
yeah so our basement was flooded 4 feet. we just smoke and drank and then went swimming. gotta make the best out of it
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
Europe's "the final countdown" was playing. It was pretty much amnesty for anything that might happen the rest of the night. It's a rule.
Everyone heard you having sex but I just told them you were having a nightmare.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
My tongue is raw from licking all that salt with my tequila shots...happy cinco de mayo
I found you laying in a field of grass near the trail I jog on in the morning like a drunken Bambi.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
she brought her phone charger to the bar this bitch is ready to drink
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
