I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
it got awkward when the only couple not hooking up was just watching..
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
And we just chatted casually as i peed on the floor and she peed in the toilet
You know you're doing well in life when weed is considered to improve your job performance
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
He is farting the alphabet right now. In the goddamned restaurant. You don't get to recommend men anymore. Or restaurants for that matter.
Randomize