ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
Considering last night's endeavors, I am going to hell 5 times over. 1 for puking on a hobo, 1 for laughing about it, and 3 for remembering it today and laughing about it sober
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
He told the cop he was underage, handed the cop his ID, and the police report read "I then informed the suspect that he was not, in fact, underage"
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
You broke the end off a wine bottle, ran outside and screamed "FOR NARNIA!!"
Is this one of those "if you didnt give such good head we couldn't be friends" moments?
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Want to do me the honour of waxing my legs again before I go to Mexico? I feel like it's a tradition we shouldn't break.
WE HAD GREAT SEX AND I HATE MYSELF FOR IT
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
He somehow obtained a megaphone and managed to scare away the out-of-control house party—the house party that HE started, by the way— by pretending to be the police.
Just because I'm sleeping with him doesn't mean I'm in love with him, it means that I want to have sex with someone who isn't a serial killer.
Just so you know, I choose to answer your bootytext tonight because it was the most creative.
Randomize
