I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
yeah come on over we're just pre gaming for the grocery store
If I had a quarter for every time I had sex in your bed while you were out of town, I would probably be a lot more willing to buy you new sheets. Hope you're having a nice vacation.
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
If I could run through a field of Reece's and Oreos, dive off a milkfall into a bowl of cereal. My Life would complete.
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
He struggled for a second trying to unhook my bra and I said "4/10. Novice."
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize
