your room smells of hookers.
And success
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
I gave him a handjob while watching the presidential address. Needless to say, it was weird.
buying booze in bulk is always a bad idea. i wish there was some direct deposit-like system
The size of her vagina has nothing to do with the size of her heart bro
In case you were wondering, transporting lube in a ziploc bag is just as bad of an idea as it sounds.
I can't wait for the day Google doesn't remind me that I got arrested for having 3 shots called 'frog cum' lined up in front of me.
It's like shitshowville, population: those girls.
It took years to build this empire of casual fuckings and not carings.
If your gig isn't over in 30 minutes I am coming on that stage to come on your dick.
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Right before he dumped me... he got a really ugly pair of pants. They were twill pants. A pinkish color. When I'm sad... I picture him in them. It makes me smile.
Well, if you do die, I'll bedazzle your coffin.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
