I will make out with the first guy who tries to pick me up with a lyric from a rap song. I won't even reply, just be on him like whoa.
Whatever. They have the same name, so it's not even cheating. It's brand loyalty.
Just got laid for the first time in 3 yrs, 10 mo, 1 wk & 2 days. YESSSS.
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
I made mike pull over so I could lay in the grass. He made me get up cuz I looked dead and people were passing. It was like 6:30am.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
I was eating pickles straight from a jar, contemplating doing something productive. What did I miss?
You know tonight's gonna be a good night when your already planning on sleeping in a trunk
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Tbh I’m not a vibrator enthusiast
But I am godly
Randomize
