Today's life lesson: fat girls should not wear tight miniskirts and vinyl leggings. This Forever 21 salesgirl is a hot mess.
I am far too drunk to be making a tuna melt . There's blood EVERYWHERE.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
So dude, she and I just got done having the most amazing sex, and then she rolled over and said that "lets make some tacos" and proceeded to the kitchen... naked... I'm buying the ring tomorrow
Even the French judge on the olympics would give that a 10
So let me get this straight. You would sleep with an uncircumcised guy whose name you didn't know, but you won't try the new shrimp taco from taco bell?
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
you said candy land and then passed out.
ps. we found your stash in the candyland game. Thanks.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Well. No wine. And no real mixers. I'm using vodka and grape juice and calling it Slurrrlot. Happy Holidays bitch.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
HE'S LICKING FROSTING OFF OF THE EIGHTEEN YEAR OLD BOY
Why aren't you two playing Dora the explorer with each other's genitals yet?
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