the crunchwrap supreme is the def leppard of the taco bell menu
which is why it's clearly superior
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
We had unprotected sex and she's eating life cereal for breakfast. The universe is telling me get the plan b for her
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
I was really stoned haha. I had sex with her while I cooked scrambled eggs.
I cant. There's fences everywhere and I think I have a boyfriend. Its fabulous.
i'm having taco bell mild sauce and tums for breakfast because i'm hungover and thats all i can find. it's like thanksgiving up in here
BECKY! ITS ANDY FROM LAST NIGHT WITH THE PILL
Andy, Sorry you have the wrong number. But good luck with Becky!
Highlight of my night: you taking that shot of garlic butter and then throwing the empty container down on the stairs and saying FUCK.
Client visitor days are the worst. If I have to wear a tie and can be hungover at least have the decency to find some more attractive visitors
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
