just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
You'll get a boner for sure
Way ahead of you. Kinda awkward while paying rent but hey
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I hope you enjoy this collage I made of you and me getting fucked up together
Just got your message from Saturday. Shove all the kittens down your pants? Really?
I was emotionally compromised.
You need to be full form and virile tomorrow so I can live vicariously through your rub and tug.
I climbed out a window to pee last night because i thought i was locked in the room... Then crawled back in and went to bed. The poor neighbors.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Stop your judging. I got free booze AND an oil change. You're the one whose always saying we're spending too much money.
I'm glad we can *facepalm* it together over the married couple we fucked separately.
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
Come to my place after work and we can discuss our finances over a coors delight and a fire ball shot
The best walk of shames are on the highway
Randomize
