Your an asshole
Actually, it's "you're an asshole"
My point exactly
He fingered me while we both sang the fresh prince theme song.
Marry him
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
My face smells like vagina and Im on my way to court. Fuck.
He went into the alley to piss and came back a minute later with a case of Bud Select. I'm speechless.
I definitely did a line of something I don't know with a Pagan biker. I make good decisions.
If anyone could figure out how to pee on someone's soul, it would be you.
You always know what to say to make me feel better.
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
He's a psychology major, so instead of becoming a stripper, I'm just working out my daddy issues with him. And his cock. And spankings.
They're much more educational now btw. Don't judge.
Hey every now and then can you tell me you want to fuck me to boost my confidence? Thanks.
He's finally divorcing her, so naturally he tells me that we're not exclusive anymore. His penis 'wants what it wants' apparently.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
Randomize
