Kareoke will never be a sober sport
Jon and Kate. Drink everytime we see tears. Drink twice if a child cries. Finish your bev if you cry.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
well at that point we were just fucking to keep warm.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
security doesn't like it when we pee on cars. or maybe just not theirs?
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
it would be a downgrade if your vagina tasted like skittles
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
First time at a gay bar. I found a surrogate AND sperm donor! The surrogate is straight, so it evens out.
Brb crying the tears of my youth
Sorry you ended up in detox. It's not my fault you decided to walk downtown in only your underwater at 3am. I think the tequila took over.
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
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