Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
thats the last time I fuck a piece of fruit on camera for him.
This escort grabbed my boyfriends ass and it became clear, he fucked pretty much anything he could find prior to dating me.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Your 'drink of the future' makes sense now- you feel it for atleast 10 hours into the future
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
We were in the hot tub...he ate the pizza pocket directly out of my mouth
Considering that your "hello" was replaced with "Fuck yo couch," I'm not surprised that you have a black eye.
it's all fun and games til I text you in last nights clothes with a head bleed
Dude, I work in two hours. Unless you can find Chris Hemsworth and convince him to have a three-way with us, I'm not getting out of bed.
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
I'm not gonna lie, but for some reason I have this strong desire to watch porn with my pint of haagen das.
In order to get rid of my bladder infections I must give up caffeine, nicotine and tight pants. It's like my pussy is an angry dictator or something
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