doesn't he have a GF?
that just means you have to try harder.
i didn't have to try TOO hard, just told him i didn't want to know his name or...
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
it wasnt even considered partying. it was like "ok, who can get the most shitfaced and not pass out"
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
When I picked you up, you were drinking Maker's Mark out of the bottle with a crazy straw.
I'm kinda surprised he wouldn't be honored to take me back as a fuck buddy.
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
