All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
school has made you so classy.
that's mcgill. producing sluts since 1884.
A freshman just referred to Home Improvement as 'tim the tool man show'. People born after 1990 are not people.
in light of our recent drunken behavior, i think it's time we seriously consider hiring ourselves a babysitter.
She stole my hamster. idk who she was, she just walked in and said she knew Keith so she stayed, drank 6 beers, and then stole Charles.
I think I suffocated him while I was riding his face
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
We tried the hang n bang, remember? You ruined it by crying and telling me you loved me while blowing me.
YOU GAVE HIM A BLOWJOB ON YOUR DOORSTEP?!
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
I ate a hotdog off the ground last night.
I mean, I already saw his dick in person and wasn't impressed so why is he sending me a picture of it, anyway? I hate re-runs!
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
