i just sat at a stop sign for 10 minutes waiting for it to turn green. i need to STOP SMOKING THIS SHIT.
I guess i tried to text 911 last night with "someone stole my bong." Thank god that doesn't work...
And he showed us your test. You wrote what is this shit and scribbled on it? Nice 3%..
Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
you were sitting on your bed looking out the window, rocking back and forth naked, saying how peaceful it looked outside
Where are you and who are these girls passed out on the floor?
and why are they spooning a flamingo?
they traded weed for a spot on our floor. be nice.
He tried to stick it in and I asked him what he wanted to name our child and he quit.
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I think if I set up a series of baby gates up the stairs each one more difficult to undo then the last that should be able to stop your drunk vagina.
He set two of my ex boyfriends on fire at two different bars without anyone knowing it was him or how it happened either time. He might be a fucking super hero
I mean, they were small fires and no one got hurt, but still. Awesome.
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
he said he only had one rule...that he'd only go down on me 3x a day. so far this is turning into the best relationship ever.
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