I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
Dude, she uses Old Spice. It smelled like I was eating out my grandfather.
We banged through her entire lady gaga playlist. I can die happy now
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
if by "adventure" you actually mean "getting ridiculously high and shaving our legs," then yes.
Apparently you need a permit for a flamethrower.
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO GET MY FUCKING CUPCAKES WHEN THE GROUNDSWORKER I HOOKED UP WITH IS LOITERING IN THE VENDING AREA
it is a dangerous dangerous place where morals and dignity go to die and all your fantasies about men become reality.
BTW, you ever shave a dick into my dog, I'll cut you. I'll laugh first, but then I'll cut you
I'm naked on my couch and just ate a chip that was in my belly button.. my 20s have been weird.
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