I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
You put a nerf gun to his head and demanded him to take you to taco bell..
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
At the hospital. Forgot we locked Eric out of the house last night as a joke. Hypothermia's a bitch.
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
She was blowing me when her roommate came in and goes "you want me to tap in?"
You realize once your inheritance is finalized this shit will stop happening right?
Came back with a random sweatshirt, an American flag, and a for sale sign. Mission success?
I fell asleep in the tanning bed, naked, for an hour and a half and I guess they couldn't wake me up so they called the fire department...and they came in while I was passed out naked...
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Adulthood is making your own puke bucket.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
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