Whatever. We're stealing a penguin. Your not allowed near him... You did this to yourself.
When you gave me the first bj i thought 'yep, this girl is going to do great things with her life'
Judging by his buldge, this guy is huge. just paid steve to follow him into the bathroom and find out. They had a convo about it.
In hindsight buying the pill crusher with my vicodin prescription might have been too much.
I feel like we had some profound moment last night, but I can't really recall much past your ass turning up the volume on the radio.
Just seen a lady with the back of her head shaved and the rest of her hair in a pony tail like a sumo wrestler with a 6 inch glass dolphin hair clip. Nothing is going to ruin my day.
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm shoveling snow with a camel-pack full of beer in a blizzard. I love snow days as an adult!!!
you look like you're about to get down on your knees and give america the business.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
Well, he kept asking me if I was going to murder him once we got upstairs. It sort of killed the mood.
The night went downhill somewhere between the time I was triple fisting smirnoff and when I was throwing up in the yard in nothing but my bra while he talk to me about mashed potatoes
Randomize
