He told me he had more lines than a plaid shirt
he asked me if i wanted "a hit" off his inhaler. its definitely time for a new roommate
There aren't nearly as many guys masturbating on chatroulette as i was led to believe...i feel cheated
He was president of his frat and had a clap on disco ball in his room... or course I slept with him
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
Stocking up on Wasabi powder. Nobody's tampons are safe.
You can't just snapchat me a picture of a pregnancy test and then not answer your phone
I just want to eat my penis shaped food in front of you and see how you feel about it.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
Just paid for birth control in all ones do you think she is judging me?
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
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