I don't know how to say this, but I think you're a fucking bitch and the sooner you die I'll be happier.
Sorry- wrong number! :)
Dude I'm 99% sure I'm witnessing an e-harmony date at panera, prob late 40's, this is better than the movies.
He passed out drunk on top of me. Fully erect. Still inside me. Woke up like 1 minute later, and continued.
Just got a birthday card from Camel. How am I supposed to stop smoking when they care?
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
All I have done at work today is eat and try to get my coworker to tie me to his bed again
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
I was loaded. my pee still has a hint of lime
I think I may have just taught my whole hall how to give a good blow job. So this is college.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Sam 'it Won't Fit' Wilson". No clue when or where it came from....
LMAO. Stop. Men are such gentleman these days. I woke up with no one beside me and you got 6 cents
6 cents and no orgasm 💃🏻🎉
We are so blessed
I went to finger her and found a penny. I think ill keep it.
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