I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Gave the kid in the wheelchair at the bus stop a beer and proceede to lift him on the bus. porch drinking brings out the best in everyone
Nothing says 'good morning' like waking up only to realize this chick was watching you sleep. She's crazy
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
At orientation, some girl is asking, loudly, where she can get weed. Everyone looks discussed but are paying very close attention to people's answers.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Metaphysical thesis on the illusion of self+ 2 day adderal binge = the walls of reality are crumbling
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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