problem. drunk. stepbrother hitting on me again. help.
I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i'm crying at olive garden. i've hit rock bottom
woke up with a sweatshirt on that said "someone special calls me grandma" and a sword. i'm just going to assume that it was a good night
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I was told to ask you about memoirs of a geisha.
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
Definitely worth waiting her kid to got to sleep when the first thing you hear once she's back is "I want you in my ass right now"
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I'm studying. And by studying I mean I am laying on my floor drinking boones farm alone. Last two weeks. Fuck it.
My uncle showed up to pick us up at the bar just as I bought a drink so I put it in my pocket #drunksmart
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
Randomize
