Go study a dick amy that's outrageous
Pretty sure my dad just walked in on me jerking off watching guys on webcam. Remember how I used to say "most awkward day of my life?" I'm retiring that phrase.
The one night I bring a girl home you leave the footloose soundtrack playing.
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
Your topless pictures make me question reality
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Hey where the fuck is the rest of my beer? Lets start this day off right
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
Well when I woke up this morning I didn’t think I’d be masturbating to my own LinkedIn profile today but here we are
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