She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
the boobs are fake... i feel like i just found out santa isn't real.
she definitely blew him on the riverbank, some lady floated past and said "have some pride honey", amazingly awkward
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face. Dick in my face.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
Is it normal that every guy I hook up with tells me my hair is sexy as it's happening? Like that can't be normal
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
Waking up early to fuck the hot DILF the day before Father's Day because I'm respectable like that
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
Randomize