I wish I could punch you in the face.
dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
You thought last year was bad... a guy dressed as a clown showed up with cocaine
And he probably thinks I'm in love with him but after three shots of Patron you love anything
I'm eating captain crunch out of a cup half full of beer so idk
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I finally got the glitter off in time to get to the party and bang the bday boy in the bathroom while his girlfriend was lighting the bday cake candles.
Fun Fact: I do not remember what its like to be sober between drinking off and on for two weeks at my "vacation" and being on painkillers for my mouth now
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
What have I told you about trying to use Jesus as your wingman?!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
I've never had someone have to dis-arm themselves before I sucked their dick prior to that
He eats ass but won’t hold open doors. My kinda guy.
Chivalry really is dead.
Randomize