I just found out she jerks off to lesbian porn too honest to god
you wouldn't believe how perfect a match this is its scary
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
i just ate an entire onion plain. all alone. i have never felt more single in my life
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
I'm not sure how exactly, but this funeral has turned into a ridiculous night of drinking games
was just hit on by a homeless lesbian. forever alone.
You chanted SOFA PIZZA all night then we woke up to find about ten slices under the cushions where you were sleeping....
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
he just looked at me, said "i think i'll keep you around, you put the seat back up and everything," and then burst into tears.
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
she pointed to my dick and said you are going to save the world
Do you remember biting my ear and whispering quotes of Pride and Prejudice last night?
He’s perfect! He listens to Genesis during sex and has a VW bus!
You really are from the panhandle, aren’t you?
Randomize
