paul mccartney is starting to look like angela lansbury
his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
Guess who's still drunk but on time to court to represent a DUI?
You are my hero
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
Tried to bribe the bartender with wedding cake. Felt bad for not giving her a tip.
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
omg this is getting ridiculous. nobody's vagina should ever be this neglected.
Just remember that I named his dick Robo-cock before he got into the sheriff's department.
A unicorn in pinstripe pants just got on the J at Dolores stop. It can only be a good night
I left the office with a vacuum, 2 condoms and 300 dollars cash money. Tell me I don't have the most versatile job on the planet.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
There will be bowls smoken and not a single fuck will be given.
Randomize