She was so happy she found her sunglasses, that she blew me. Im now randomly hiding things of hers in hopes she'll find them and I'll get a repeat performance.
I dated that bitch for 9 months and didnt get as much as a hand job. I met her sister last night for the first time and smashed that...twice
I respect that
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
we shared soup. that is literally the extent of my romantic life right now
Not sure if you're still doing the whole "sleeping with only one person" thing but if you're not we should sleep together when I get back in town tonight.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
I think this shark week should consist of getting drunk enough to actually go hunt sharks ourselves.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
Randomize
