why didn't you poke me back
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
found an empty one..2nd door on the right...i'm already naked.
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
our school mascot just walked into class and threw condoms everywhere. welcome to college
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
sleeping in bed with your booty calls married sister...you're the stuff heroes are made of.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
That girl from the bar sent me a text saying that she wants to wear my cock as a hat. A cock hat. Is that good or bad?
thanks for piggy backing me around for the rest of the night when I got too drunk to stand.
You asked for his ID and then said "I am like a bouncer but for my vagina."
Just had an oven catch fire while I was balls deep. Fire department came, I did not.
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Protip if he licks the back of your knee and you reflexively kick him your game of 'lick the lady' is over.
Randomize
