please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
it's been dubbed the summer of antibiotics
okay have fun. but Under NO circumstances ever attempt to outdrink the german exchange student. no matter how badly you want to blow him. just don't.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
There are horrible decisions in life and then there are tequila flavored moonshine decisions
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Details are irrelevant. Come bail me out of jail.
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
