you miss my big massive throbbing cock dont you?
Woah.
that's not how you spell hell yes.
I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
If i'm not hungover, near death, and wondering what i did the night before on Monday, life is not worth living.
i'm 67% sure he was trying to sing in hawaiian
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Can she stop putting up all these passive aggressive statuses and please come out of the "I-want-to-be-a-pornstar" closet already?
i finally decided to cut him off after he he looked me dead in the eyes and said "how have i been inside you for the past twenty minutes when my pants are still on?"
There is a mobile STD testing unit set up at my place of employment. In the lunchroom. I may need to reevaluate my career choices. And my lunch plans.
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
I had a flashback of using my sock as a napkin after we got taco bell
I had to bail out of the tour de Franzia because I have class Saturday morning. Grad school is ruining my life
Woke up and took my pants off only to realize that I was wearing my shirt from last night as my underwear
i may or may not have bought a plane ticket for a russian cam girl to fly here. also, can you spot me $300 on rent?
He suck his junk in my HALF BAKED. Ben & Jerry would totally disapprove. This is worse than sticky dick donut day.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
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