the lady at Walgreens winked at me when i asked where the cherry chapstick was... damn u katy perry!
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
My right boob is officially about a handful while my left is 1 and 3/4 handfuls. I'm staring at the mirror falling into a deep depression.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
Talked to Nate, told him he was a douche. Will give details when sober. It's ok. You're my best friend together a wolf pack. Olive juice.
He brought her home and fucked her in a gingerbread man costume in a cardboard rapunzel castle. He had a pretty good night.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Some guy is here using a taser on people. I'm up next
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
Then you got drunk and shit in her car. Nothing before that matters. She isn’t calling you back.
Randomize
