So there are ramen noodles in the shower you need to explain...
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
The dog just did a longer kegstand than anyone at the party
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
Good because ass is like 60% of my diet now
I'm more of a 'talk at me while I stare at you' kinda girl.
The entire state will know me by my boobs.
I think I fucked up my elbow when I tried to fight off the paramedics.
He wanted to watch the vow, cuddle, and not have sex. An upgrade is in order.
I told him I was ready for another round and he said, "after this part." What guy chooses James Bond over pussy?!
It probably doesn't matter because I'm drunk...but I'm sorry for getting you drunk, having you almost lose your place to live, all your friends, permanently lose your liver functions, throwing up on my floor, losing virginity...etc...mostly I'm sorry for making you watch: cabin in the woods.
FINE I guess I'll just drink regular coke like a PLEBIAN.
Randomize
