glad my latex allergy prevents me from being a one-night stand whore
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
I'm sexting at the thanksgiving dinner table...this is a new holiday tradition.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
orgy was averted by karaoke, thank god
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
I think I hear the ice cream truck
I could be going crazy though
NO IT IS THE ICE CREAM TRUCK IT'S ALMOST AT YOUR STOP
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