Yo I charged a $20 breakfast to ur room, will pay u back in liquor and schoolgirl panties, thx again for a fun time
is it wrong that I prefer my women with low self esteem and a smidgen of an eating disorder?
I woke up to a bunch of college seniors jacking off a horse in my face. Geuss who didnt move in time?
she looked me in the eyes and called me a poet because i was singing lady gaga, then she fell over...
dear roomies, would anyone wanna donate the booze they left in the fridge over break to the "your roomies snowed in and all alone" fund?
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
At no time is it ever okay for my doctor to compliment my tattoos, when giving me a physical exam.......
Dollar Store pregnancy tests. For when you sorta wanta know.
They have marijuana tests too!
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
Nothing says "happy birthday" like a negative pregnancy test
Just keep your throat open and beer will always find its way in.
Bro you were on fire last night...like a less Irish version of Liam Neeson
Uhm... Found a ziploc bag... In the freezer. Sam, thought it was lemonade. Why did you make frozen piss at my house, again?
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Randomize
