Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
new low: my hungover self just mistook bacon grease for mashed potatoes. worst. mistake. ever.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
i walked outside and you were driving up the stairs to her apartment
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
That was the first time I have seen a confused expression with a dick in the mouth
Gotcha. Well, I'm puking and trying to keep down water from a mug that says "love the moment" around the rim. Not loving this particular moment.
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
WHY DID I INFORM THE ENTIRE BATHROOM I DONT HAVE AN STD?!?!?!!
Yea... The gym isn't gunna happen today... When I was drunk last night I tried to prove I could front flip off the wheel cover of a semi... I fucked up my shoulder pretty bad... It was more of a roll
yeah im watching him make his speech now. cant take him seriously tho. hes talking about funding for education and all i can think about is how ive seen what he looks like wearing womens underwear...
What? I'll do just about anything if you give me a sticker.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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