i left the bar a little after you and ended up flipping my car in the arbys drive thru
Mom found my vibrator. all the said was 'wow, I've never seen one like this before.'
we don't live in the stone age anymore, mom
some random kid just walked into our apartment with two cases... I don't know who he is but I like him
I've now graduated to the level of gay where I can tell Tegan and Sara apart.
Pillow talk just revealed that he originally thought I was 16.
Today as a vday present for myself I am walking in between any couples I see on campus.
Responsibility: Hiding your beer when your DWI clients who are out on bond come to talk to you at bars.
the paramedics asked what clubs id be in next weekend so they can plan ahead.
Tell Taylor to rock on. Tell her she is so beautiful that the sun shines down on her face and shows her beauty. Tell her to live on, like Martin Luther King. He'll never die. He's living his dreams.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
although steph and I had 3 bottles of wine by that point and watched an opera that featured a black dildo so anything was possible really
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
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