we were just talking about designated drivers and i suggested we each hire a mexican day laborer to give us piggy back rides... i have the best ideas eveeer
chris hansen is no longer pursuing child predators.let's celebrate
i'll bring the hard lemonade and lube
Ive created a fbook group called "threesome" and invited two girls. Im not going to say a word and just see what happens.
Only I could do what I did last night and feel perfectly ok working around children the next day
Middle of vacation, he walked into an audition for a Broadway musical in a drunken stupor. I think he got the part.
the saddest part is, this is not even the first time i've woken up in a shopping cart with a concussion.
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
Just bc you put "its cute" at the end of it doesn't change the fact that u have called me a vag twice this morning and its only 10:03
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
well some coke just fell out of my nose in my partners meeting so i'd say my day's off to a fantastic start
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I’m not spending 14 dollars on a margarita unless it’s rimmed with cocaine... actually do you have a blender?
Last night I had a dream that a man with an ice cream body entered a bicycle throwing contest and won.
Randomize
