she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
is this the sara with the beer cane?
Do something fun then. Blow up the house or whatever.
How have you survived this long?
Dumb luck and a deal with the devil.
Ugh. This is the type of hangover that all other hangovers want to grow up to be.
Either I just got hit on by a 10 year old.girl dressed like a boy or I just got hit on by a midget lesbian. Either way I feel uncomfortable
HOW ARE YOU ALWAYS DRUNK? AND WHERE ARE TOU TRYING TO GO??
Before we rave about the healing powers of your penis, remember it nearly killed me as well.
Making cookies for neighbors. Spill beer all over dough. Bake anyways. From good neighbors back to the shitty college kids next door in under 3 seconds.
I've somehow found myself in an emotionally abusive relationship with a married man who gives me drugs.
My life is quickly turning into a Lifetime movie.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Uess honpr I rememebrt hEzS cuter
You'll have to translate that into sober in the morning.
Randomize
