I'm pretty hammered, I'll elaborate tomorrow
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
I opened my browser to a doctor page titled "serious pain under left side of ribcage". Last night must have been healthy.
Woke up on the floor holding a sandwich. Shots. Never again.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
Half of my brain feels like I donated it to science and they basically just poured jack Daniels on it and put out cigarettes into it before returning it to my skull
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Made my roommate send me tit pics so I could send them to someone because I didn't want to move.
Come camping we have xanax and steaks
i think i just lost a toe
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
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