ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
he gave me an orgasm. multiple times. the weird stuff he did in middle school is now irrelevant.
This titty bar has wifi. I just did FaceTime stage side
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
I forgot to lock the door last night. I woke up cuz a guy opened my bedroom door, asked me who I was and where he was. And there was another guy standing in the living room asking me if I knew what apartment "Travis" lives in.
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Randomize
