I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
I have the Lakers game on, but all I can think about is having sex with you. Not sure what you've done here.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
There was a photo of his face glued to a lifesize Kim Kardashian cutout. By the end of the night he was doing shots out of medicine cups and making everybody hug it goodbye.
Well she just peed in a pot and is now trying to boil it
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I'm unsure as to how you were able to snapchat me with your hands duck taped to beer, but I appreciated it nonetheless.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
rollerskate sex sounded like a good idea...
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
Between fucking and sleeping I woke up missing four out of five of the earrings I was wearing. It's like a star rating system. I had to give him props.
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Randomize
