Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
So I've been drinking and I told the bf about the gf he almost fell of his chair
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
I took it upon myself to take one shot of tequila to have an excuse for hitting on my not-single coworker. It worked.
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
He's actually really cute and seems like a good guy. And given that he likes lots of drugs, he could come in handy.
Why are my jeans soaking wet and smell like chlorine??
Bc u told a stranger in the hotel "I have sinned' and made him get into the hotel fountain and "baptize u". I've got a vid
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