I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
I'm in the laundromat a drunk armenian guy keeps trying to help me fold my laundry. Ah i'm going to miss queens.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
She woke me up, whispered "I like the size of your dick", kissed me, and rolled over and went back to sleep
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
This is the fourth guy that I've broken in to gay sex. How the hell do they find me?
Positive reviews on angieslist?
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
Randomize
