it cannot be done, he is unbreakable.
What?
..he cannot be seduced..she had to have roofied him.
Details.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
As long as you're naked and covered in glow paint, I'm there.
I have a cut on my head from a tambourine.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
The gay is strong with you! You're more concerned about my outfit than my safety.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I feel like these arent even my fingers anymore
His mom said he was in the ER and asked for prayers and positive thoughts. Apparently, me wishing the clap on him is not what she had in mind.
How have you been? I haven’t talked to you since you dyed your pubes.
Lady at the airport across from me just pulled a cat out of her bag. can't deal with this right now..
DO NOT FUCK YOUR ENGAGED GAY NEIGHBOR!
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Randomize
