I just puked in a penis shaped cake pan. I've hit an all new low for a Tuesday.
Hey I never found my wallet but i did find a bag of 14 soft taco supremes
I have your wallet. Trade you for the tacos.
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
You are one of my favorite baseball you have fun today
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
We were fucking in the bedroom then we heard Sports center on in the living room. He stopped midfuck when I started celebrating that my team won over his
So then I got so stoned I sat and took my pulse for 10 minutes.
The waxing lady fingered me during my brazilian. 40 dollars well spent
she's 6'2. you bet your ass i slept with her.
Randomize
